more of the same
Actually, no it isn't. I've got a bunch of stuff going on the next few days.... Tonight I go to London with a few friends... Tomorrow, there's a barbecue at another friend's place... I only feel like I'm in a rut if I ask myself the question. So I should probably not do that.
But I do need a haircut...
I'd have lots of cool new stuff on this page, if it weren't for the fact that I want to upgrade my server to OpenBSD. I've got a lot of stuff on hold for that. I should just do it. No wait! I have to back up the database first. Dammitall.
Thanksgiving was pretty good. With the turkey, etc. My grandmother is transforming from Apologetic Smoker to Beligerant Smoker. That's disconcerting. She's started taking offence to my running off for a few minutes to breathe and try to stop my eyes from stinging. We generally get along pretty well, but this sort of thing makes it hard for me to hang aroud. It doesn't help that, even though she smokes constantly, she insists that she's "cutting back." She's cutting back in the sense that she can't actually remember the last time she lit up, even if it was five minutes previously. *sigh*, it's kind of sad.
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Azrael 1
writes:
Its three weeks later, but sometimes it takes that long for me to mull over whether to write something.
The quest for fresh air v. smokers goes something a little like this.
Your grandmother probably takes alot of grief for smoking. Be it from family, friends, or her doctor, these things have a tendency to stack. It is only natural for someone who is constantly being told what to do or not to do to become a little beligerant. So here's a sugestion, when you decide to leave to get fresh air, do not mention anything about smoke or air, it just adds to the grief that she is already getting. Of course this is just a guess that you say, or answer to the affirmative, something about air in the first place. If the smoke gets too bad, excuse yourself by saying that you need to go stretch your legs by taking a walk, or when the weather outside is cool, by needing to cool down because of the warmth indoors. This way you aren't adding to what I am sure she hears enough of already and therefore she shouldn't take offense to you getting outside. This way you should be able to get the fresh air that you want without being "disrespectful," and if she still takes offense to your leaving, then it is her that is being the disrespectful one.
Of course, you have to couple this with never mentioning anything about her smoking to her. This way, if she is still beligerant towards you after awhile you can just ask her why she isn't respecting you when you are being nothing but repectful.
Hopefully that has made sense, since I am too tired to actually read what I have written.
Oh. and skipping forward, I thought you didn't like Vampires. Isn't Count Duckula a Vampire? Oh well, you'll just have to have chocolate induced nightmares of Vampire ducks.
Submitted 2002-11-09 05:14:28
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flying squirrel
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My grandmother is 80 years old, and past the point where reason holds any sway.
When she had her faculties intact, she was aware that her smoking bothered me. I'm not trying to be dramatic about it. It bothers me. I can't stick around for too long. One cigarette, maybe. Three or four in immediate succession, no. She didn't used to do that.
After having quit for about 10 years, she started again to cope with the stress of my grandfather's cancer. She doesn't have the strength of will to try to quit again and, from her perspective, there wasn't much reason to. The damage has been done, and the health benefit to her quitting smoking for the last years of her life is pretty much negated by the stress of quitting. If it helps her, I'm not going to tell her not to do it.
Now, she doesn't really know what she's doing. I will excuse myself if it gets to be too much. My mom thinks that, yes, she's been getting into fights with other people in her residence about her smoking. So now she's really sensitive to anything she interprets as a slight. Like excusing yourself for a few minutes to get some fresh air.
It's not fun. I want to spend time with her, but I've also grown attached to breathing. It used to work. Now it doesn't.
Count Duckula is a *vegetarian* vampire. ^_^
Submitted 2002-11-09 13:04:50
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tinkerer
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Squirrel, my sympathies twice over. Was she smoking in your parents' home during the holiday? Or did you go to visit her at her own room then? It's the total pits that she won't take her habit to place where others need not share it. :< Being a smoker, I know the pain and guilt of "quit quit quit" by my non-smoking brethen (grrrrrr, do you think I haven't tried? Idiots!), BUT...as a parent I've deliberately kept my home smoke-free. Before having a child, I lived alone and--being an anti-social person--discouraged visitors (excepting a few friends who also happened to be smokers), so who cared if my apartment was full of smoke? But when the kid came along, all smoking moved outside. No child deserves to live in that kind of environment! And it was a condition for my roommate, also a smoker, when we decided to share a place--no one, and I mean NO ONE, smokes in our home for *any* reason. And guess what? We are both happy to be living in clean air; it is such a huge difference! No doubt we will both end up with emphasema or cancer anyway, but since my smokers' cough virtually disappeared once I stopped constantly re-inhaling every cigarette I smoked ten times over, I'm guessing it'll take a few years longer now. It was such a simple change, and although I wish I'd succeeded in quitting before kiddo was born (or on one of my many attempts since), realistically I know I'm a stress case psychotic who has low odds of ever kicking the habit. At least I can breathe, however, as can anyone who comes into my home. And yup--just like you, I literally *choke* when I'm in a room with a chain smoker. Breathing, now that I am accustomed to it again, is *very* nice indeed! ;> (What if you find some really stinky cologne that gives her a headache, and then promise you will stop wearing it around her just as soon as she ventilates her room enough for you to breathe? Hm...)
Submitted 2002-11-11 01:52:56
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flying squirrel
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Cologne, alas, is only likely to give *me* a headache. She no longer has much sense of taste or smell (as my sister's highschool science experiment discovered). And even if we struck a bargain, she'd forget about it ten minutes later and light up again.
It was at my parents' house. My mom was planning to keep her outside for most of the evening, but it turned out to be really cold that night, so that idea never happened...
Submitted 2002-11-11 13:18:00
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tinkerer
writes:
Ooo, bummer. Yeah, I figured cologne would give you a headache too (it's one of those "ends justifies the means" situations, silly! Be brave!), but forgot that she probably wouldn't even smell it and be unaffected. *Sigh* Well, do your folks have a garage? And a space heater? 'Cause, my grandma's 83 year old housemate (boyfriend? I don't ask ;> ) smokes, but always goes into the garage to do it (if it is too cold or wet out back on the patio). He rolls the garage door up about a foot for ventilation, pulls out his lawn chair and puffs away, quite content with the arrangement. He doesn't use a space heater--they live in California, so "cold" is still usually above freezing (Spring temps to folk like you & me, eh? lol!)--but considering your more northern location I suppose even a garage gets really nippy, and maybe that would make it cozy enough for your grandma and then your mom wouldn't feel guilty for banishing her from the main house? Just a thought...
Submitted 2002-11-11 22:55:49
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flying squirrel
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There is a garage, but it's out of the way and full of junk. Not much warmer, either. It's my parent's place, and they don't seem to mind <i>too</i> much. I can always go downstairs or outside or something, even if it means I lose brownie points...
My sisters spent the entire evening (except a brief hello and dinner) hiding downstairs watching a movie. But then, I was missed, and they weren't. I'm just special. :P
Usually when I go over to visit at her residence, I'll take her out to the Tim Horton's next door. That usually works out pretty well.
Submitted 2002-11-12 02:12:24
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