I don't want revenge. I don't want recompense. I'm not even sure I want "justice". I want whomever they are to take
responsibility for the actions taken today.
I want them to come and clean up the messes they've made. To breath the greasy smoke of jet fuel. To fill their lungs
with the concrete dust that covers an entire island. To pull from the tons of scorched metal and cement the remains of
the people whose only fault was to go in to work on time today.
I want them to go and work in the hospitals and tend to those who bodies have been burned all over, or who are dying
from lack of blood, or who have been hit by shrapnel, falling debris, or have been wounded in the evacuations. I want
them to go out and explain to those injured who have had to be turned away from overflowing facilities why they cannot
be treated.
I want them to go to the families and children of those on the planes and apologize for the deaths that shouldn't have
happened and explain to those children just why they are going to be growing up without a mother or father. To apologize
to the relatives of those who, possibly for the first time, went to the Trade Center as tourists to see the marvels of
feeling on top of the world.
On a whim, I stopped by the Mazda dealership down the road after work today. I've been
thinking of late that the Protegé5 is a pretty nifty car. So's the
Protegé, and it's been on my short-list, even though I didn't stop by the Mazda dealership in Belleville when I was
doing my test drives back on Canada Day weekend. I've been thinking about hatchbacks, though, being as they are
marginally more useful than sedans. Anyway, I had it in my head that I wanted to take one for a test drive. Just to be
fair to myself. No biggie.
Actually, I was thinking the dealership would closed. But that way I didn't have to be hassled by anyone. But I was
wrong, for open it was.
I wistfully strolled through the lot, and had a look in the Protegé5s to make sure they weren't all standards. It didn't
take long, though, before a dealer sauntered out to greet me. We had a little chat, and he asked me what I was looking
for in a car. (um, a car, I was thinking, you know, it goes...). He seemed a little incredulous that I'd walk there.
This was my first reason to not like him. But okay. He also asked how I get to work ("I walk"), and where I work. He
then offered me a test drive.
The was the first time I'd been on a test drive where the dealer actually came along. And he didn't shut up. In fact, he
was making me edgy. He was doing all the sorts of things they warn you
about. "How much would you think you want to put down for a down payment?" "What kind of monthly payment are you looking
at?" "What would you name it?" (!) He didn't strike me as overly slimy or downright dishonest, but I didn't much like
the pressure.
See, here's the deal, right? (I know you've heard this before). I've been living in this town for seven years now with
no access to a vehicle whatsoever. And... I can. I don't need a car. I certainly don't need one today. Now, I'm
not saying it's always easy, and I'm not saying I don't miss out on stuff because it's too hard to get there, but there
is no urgency here. My only deadline is to get something while I can still get
a graduate discount. Even with Mazda, I've still got a year
before I have to worry about that.
My point is the "you have to buy a car from me right now" thing is a little bit off-putting for me.
The car was quite nice. No complaints. The Protegé5 is about $4-$5000 more than anything I've been seriously looking at,
though. I haven't done much research in this price range. Affording it isn't a problem. It's a question of opportunity
costs. I can do a lot with $5000. Is having more cargo space and "sporty" really worth that much more to me?
We got back to the dealership and sat down at his desk to have a little chat. I wanted a brochure, if nothing else. Some
numbers would have been good, too.
He starts filling in a contract pad. Like an idiot, I gave him address and contact info. What can I say? I'm an
agreeable kind of guy. But I did get my numbers, which are about what I expected. (Except that they've got a ~$300
registration or whatever charge I haven't seen anywhere else). He was trying to get me to answer the "what can I do to
sell you a car today" question and I was basically being unresponsive. My only problem with the car, I told him, was
that it was a bit over my original budgeted price. Which is true. This isn't, strictly speaking, the reason why I wasn't
buying a car today. I wasn't buying a car today because I wasn't buying a car today. I had a hard time getting this
through to him. (It doesn't help that I'm a sad-o who doesn't want to hurt a car dealer's feelings). He says he's going
to go off to get his manager because he wasn't sure about the graduate program. Neither was I, so I said sure (like an
idiot).
I heard a woman's voice coming around the corner saying "He doesn't like it?" I mentally slap my forehead. I realized I
had to get out of there ASAP. I had an easier time being direct with her, though. She went over all the same stuff he
did and I reiterated that my only problem with the car was the price. She seemed to think this meant I was haggling. (
Was I? Damn, I'm good). So she told me that, this car being "hot" and all, I wasn't going to get a discount or anything.
Finally she asked me what they can do to help me out today. To which I replied, "You've already done lots, thanks." So
we all say our good-byes. The dealer offers to phone me later this week (Ack!) and I say sure (like an idiot... not
wanting to hurt his feelings). But I'm free!
Tomorrow I head back home for the long weekend. This is good. I hope I'm able to get ahold of people this time. It would
help, I suppose, if I phoned them before I got into town and found out when they'd be around (and gave them time to
prepare for my ultimate arrival), but this is probably far too sensible. I think I like to play it fast and loose with
social engagements. It takes the pressure off.
Well, fast and loose up to a point. I got a phone call last week saying "Hey, Darcy, you want to go to Toronto to see
a movie? I'm leaving in two minutes." To which I had to reply, "Uh, no." Partly because
I was at work at the time, and partly because that level of spontaneity is just outside the parameters of what keeps me
sane. And I've been a little ambivalent about the movie because it has vampires in it. I don't like vampires.
I might stop by a car dealership while I'm there. But probably not, because I won't be down for very long and I've been
very good at putting these things off. This is getting stupid, I know, but I feel I have to keep reminding myself about
the car thing. One day I might actually do something about it. Yes. One day...
Anyway, yes, there are some people I haven't talked with in quite a while. I'd really like to find out what they're up
to.